Last week everyone was talking about avocados.  Apparently millennials are spending all of their money on avocado toast instead of houses, oops.  Ok, so I was living on scraps from the back of the fridge with multiple other people of varying degrees of personal hygiene in a flat with no living room for about ten years before I was finally able to afford my own little space, but I’m not going to give any advice on how to get on the property ladder to those younger than me because I get it.  I bought the last affordable flat in North London so I know there’s nothing left.  You may as well drink your single estate espresso and eat your avocados.

But please do so safely.  The Guardian also reported that people keep injuring themselves trying to cut avocados.  I know.  I have been there.  But you do not have to live like this, my friends. I’m here to tell you that cutting an avocado safely is much easier than saving for a deposit.  Here’s how:

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Step 1: Taking a sharp knife, cut around the middle of your avocado.  A sharp knife is less likely to slip and head off in the wrong direction.  I nearly sliced the top of my finger off with a blunt knife as a teenager in my mother’s kitchen.

Do not, I repeat DO NOT attempt to put your knife, however sharp, in the avocado stone.  That way lies blood and stitches.  Instead do this:

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Step 2: Cut your half avocados in half again. You will be left with the stone in one of the quarters.  And then it’s simple:

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Using your fingers, which you still have because you did not cut them off in Step 2, to gently remove the avocado stone.  Now, why didn’t you think of that before?

Extra for experts: waste none of the avocado.  From here the skin is easy to peel away from the avocado flesh.  Any minor blemishes tend to stick to the skin, so what is left is ready to use.

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Get your bread into the toaster, an egg into the pot, mash up your avocado, and brew your coffee.

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Breakfast is served.

If you really, really can’t afford avocados get a packet of frozen broad beans for £1 at your local convenience store.  Double pod them and mash them up with some roast garlic, olive oil, s + p.  You might think of it as a poor man’s avocado toast but it’s delicious in its own right.  And it doesn’t involve any knives at all though does involve boiling water – I’ll leave you to do the risk assessment.